Posts Tagged ‘injury jokes’

Vote for Your Favorite Sports Joke!

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

We’ve all heard some pretty funny sports jokes. Here are a few. Vote for your favorite in the comments box below, or add your favorite joke to the list!

 

Cold Balls, from SoccerJokes.com:

An American visitor to England watched his very first football match and was struck by the differences between English and American football.
After the match he fell into conversation with one of the English players and remarked, ‘You know, over in the States, our players wear thick protective clothing. You guys must be frozen stiff in those light clothes.’
‘It’s not so bad,’ said the Englishman. ‘Sometimes the ground is covered in snow.’
‘You don’t say!’ exclaimed the American. ‘What do you do about the balls? Paint them red?’
‘Oh, no,’ said the player. ‘We just wear an extra pair of shorts.’
 
Old Hockey Injury, from California Injury Prevention Network:
Andy came to work one day, limping terribly. His co-worker, Josh, asked Andy what had happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It’s just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while."

Josh said, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey."

Andy responded, "No I don’t. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."

 
NFL Team Names, from Aha Jokes:
When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team’s performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL.

AFC West:

Denver Broncos – Denver Donkeys

Kansas City Chiefs – Kansas City Griefs

Los Angeles Raiders – Los Angeles Faders

San Diego Chargers – San Diego Rechargers

Seattle Seahawks – Seattle Weehawks

 

AFC Central:

Cincinnati Bengals – Cincinnati Plaingels

Cleveland Browns – Cleveland Clowns

Houston Oilers – Houston Spoilers

Pittsburgh Steelers – Pittsburgh Reelers

 

AFC East:

Buffalo Bills – Buffalo Nils

Buffalo Spills

Indianapolis Colts – Indianapolis Dolts

Miami Dolphins – Miami Stallfins

Miami Soft Ones

New England Patriots – New England Patsys

New York Jets – New York Pets

New York Not Yets

 

NFC West:

Atlanta Falcons – Atlanta Fellcons

New Orleans Saints – New Orleans Aint’s

Los Angeles Rams – Los Angeles Lambs

San Francisco 49ers – San Francisco Whiners

 

NFC Central:

Chicago Bears – Chicago Fairs

Detroit Lions – Detroit Cryin’s

Detroit Kittens

Green Bay Packers – Green Bay Fudgepackers

Green Bay Slackers

Green Bay Whackers

Minnesota Vikings – Minnesota Tykes

Minnesota ViQueens

Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Tampa Bay Yuccaneers

 

NFC East:

Arizona Cardinals – Arizona Tardynals

Dallas Cowboys – Dallas Cowgirls

Dallas Cowpie

New York Giants – New York Midgets

Philadelphia Eagles – Philadelphia Beagles

Washington Redskins – Washington Deadskins

 

Expansion Teams:

Carolina Panthers – Carolina Can’t-thers

Jacksonville Jaguars – Jacksonville Saguars

 

Vote for Your Favorite Injury Joke!

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

There are a lot of funny injury jokes circulating on the Web. Here’s a small sampling of just three. Vote for your favorite by leaving a comment in the box below.

Bubba’s Injury, from The Humor House:

Bubba decided to visit Colorado to do something he could never do back home … snow skiing.
Unfortunately for Bubba, before he was even able to make it up the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift.
As soon as he could, he called his insurance company from the hospital only to be told that they were refusing to cover his injury.
"What do you mean?!?" Bubba screamed. "Why wouldn’t you cover an injury like this?"
"You got hit in the head with a chairlift," the insurance rep. explained. "That makes you a moron … and we consider that to be a pre-existing condition."
Massaging the Golfer, from Half the Deck:
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, noooo… I’ll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn’t do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"

Lawyer’s Personal Injury, from Aha Jokes:
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain.

"I’m an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000."

"I’m sorry, I’m really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell ‘fore’."

"I’ll take it," the attorney said.